What is Codependency? Successful, lasting relationships are built on trust, understanding, affection, support, and clear two-way communication. But sometimes, you may find that you are lacking and struggling in many of these important areas of a relationship. In fact, you may not even realize that you are in a dysfunctional codependent relationship where you lack two-way communication with your partner.
What is a Codependent Relationship?
According to the most definitive account, a codependent relationship is a relationship in which two people depend on each other for fulfillment and are typically independent of their autonomy, independence, and/or self-sufficiency. In fact, codependent couples often become so dependent on each other that the relationship becomes emotionally, mentally, and physically unhealthy, unhealthy, and dangerous.
Warning Signs of a Codependent Relationship
To determine if you are in a codependent relationship with your romantic partner, it is important to understand the clear and distinct signs of a codependent relationship. And from there, you can take steps to address the issues and obstacles in a way that benefits both you and your partner.
1. Your Life Revolves Around Your Romantic Partner.
When your existence is reduced to the fact that the value of your life depends entirely on your romantic partner, then you are in a codependent relationship. For example, if you realize that your level of happiness depends entirely on your lover and their presence in your life, then your relationship is anything but healthy. While your romantic partner should absolutely bring you happiness and joy, they should not be the sole source of satisfaction in life. Your partner should be your companion, not your complement.
2. The relationship is not balanced.
In a healthy relationship, you and your partner should be equals. It should not be the kind of relationship in which you have to act as a parent, servant, or child. The relationship you have with your romantic partner should be such that you are both people who are capable of giving and receiving a certain level (emotions, affection, care).
However, if you take on all the responsibilities for care and education and your partner acts as if you are weak and helpless, such an unbalanced relationship will actually have a detrimental effect on you, your partner, and your relationship.
3. You turn a blind eye to the bad behavior of others.
In many codependent relationships, it is not uncommon for one party to take on the role of mediator. For example, if you ignore your partner's destructive actions, even though you know that their behavior is hurting them or you, then you are in a dangerously codependent relationship. Remember: Compromising your morals, values, and standards to please your partner puts your relationship at risk on many different levels.
4. Your emotional and physical health is at risk
If you feel like you are in a relationship where you are being hurt, abused, or mistreated mentally, emotionally, and/or physically, it is time to get out of that dangerous relationship immediately. If you stay in a relationship with your partner even when your needs, safety, and self-esteem are being violated, then you are trapped in a codependent relationship.
5. You Feel Trapped
If you are also in a codependent relationship, you may feel like you can never leave your partner. You may have become so dependent on them emotionally, mentally, physically, and even financially that you are convinced that losing them would destroy the entire meaning of your life. But it is important to know and understand that no person or relationship should be the only source of satisfaction in life. If you feel trapped, it is a sign that your relationship is and will continue to be an obstacle to your true happiness.
How to Heal or Get Out of a Codependent Relationship
In some cases, it is possible to stay with your partner and change the terms of your codependent relationship. One possible course of action is to pursue hobbies, interests, and activities outside of your romantic partner and find meaning and purpose in other leisure activities that do not involve your lover.
Additionally, you should try to spend more time with friends, family, and other people who matter to you. If you seek happiness and fulfillment in other areas of your life, you will likely find it.
However, there may be situations where leaving a codependent relationship means breaking up. If your romantic partner has a history of abusing you and/or refuses to accept help for their destructive behavior, you need to distance yourself from this person for the sake of your health, happiness, and safety. Look within yourself, recognize your inner worth, and appreciate that you can completely depend on yourself.
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